Chapter 18 – How will I handle the future…

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

Me and my kids

Hey God it’s me Lori,

I can’t believe it is so close to the time that Jake will go to school.  I am so happy with my life the way it is I don’t want to think about the changes that lay ahead of me.  Please help me to realize that you will accompany me in these changes and I will not be alone.

How will I handle the future …

            I tell my youngest child Jake the four year old when he starts to talk about school to bite his tongue and not be so mean to me.  I can’t stand the thought of all of my children being in school all day long.  I love to be with my children.  Many times in this book I have told you that many people think I am crazy, well there are many reasons why.  The main reason I think is because I love being with my children.  Do I love every moment I am with them, No but I still stay with them anyway.  Most moms get excited the night before the first day of school I always cry.  I usually take all four of my children grocery shopping and clothes shopping with me; they are fun to be around.  Why would I want this time to end?  I don’t but they keep growing no matter how much I threaten them to stop growing up it keeps happening.  I was so overwhelmed recently with the thought that they will all be in school soon that my husband and I revisited the idea of having another baby.  He has never left that open for debate before that time.  I thought about it for a few seconds and said, “No I am almost 36, if we were going to have more we should have done it 3 years ago.”  I love my family and am very content with the number of children. When I get that itch for a baby I just find a baby to baby-sit.  That is part of the reason I baby-sit because I love to have lots of children around me.     

            I considered just continuing to baby-sit when Jake starts school full time but decided against it because it would only make me want my children with me even more.  So I will try to find a job 9am-1:30pm from August-May off at Christmas vacation and Spring Break.  Good thing I depend on God to help me find it and he will, something will happen. I have faith that God wants me to still be a mom, walk them to school, home from school, do homework and be an enormous part of their existence to continue to guide them and love them like no one else can.

            I am not so much concerned about getting a job as I am losing part of my identity.  I love being a mom and I know it is not over when they are in school I will just be facing a new chapter of my life and theirs.  I just love this part so much I don’t want to let it go.  Just writing this chapter makes me tear up.

            So how will I handle the future the same way I have handled the past with faith in God that he will guide me where I need to go.  With dedication to my children so that my job will only be a job during those hours so that all other hours are dedicated to continuing to raise my children in a faith filled caring atmosphere.  With a willingness to learn, grow and development as a child of God.  With the strength it takes to keep a balance in my life no matter what road I walk down.  More than anything listening to God’s call to me and constantly adding to who I am so I can be a better person tomorrow than I was today.  No matter how old my children are I will always be a Just a Mom.