Jake in the rocking chair
His feet have yet to reach the wooden porch, his hands reaching up to hold on to the arms of the chair; it’s all just a bit bigger than Jake is that big wooden rocking chair. Yet one day he will sit in this rocking chair comfortably for he will be grown.
As a mom I dread the day when my children are grown. It’s the honest truth. I witness many moms wishing away the years but not I. I want to keep their feet from ever touching the wooden porch. I want to put a rock upon their heads and stop the growth, to freeze time like a photograph and keep them little full of wonder, goodness and kindness. I don’t want them to find the madness and unkind ways our world has to offer. I want them to keep their innocence and pure and simple love they feel now for all people. Alas, they grow and toes soon barely scrap the porch and like my eleven year old son, they soon rest firmly upon the ground and sit comfortably in the rocking chair and take in the world from a different perspective. “We are suppose to grow up mom.” My children so often say to me when I comment that I don’t want to hear about how old they will be on their next birthday.
My goals in life I believe are a bit different, I wanted a family, a husband and children from the time I was three years old and nothing more. Through high school and college I wanted a family with children not a career, not money, not material possessions but a family and children. My dream has come true and yet it cannot be captured, kept and stilled, they grow and change as do I but the growth comes with growing pains. It hurts my heart each time they let go of my hand for something else. I want them to grow and become the wonderful people they are in this world but a little part of me dies with the growth. So I need to find acceptance and a continuation of the dream not just to have children but growing children. The dream must change so instead of being saddened I will rejoice in their lives and not stunt their growth. I have been unbelievably blessed by God to have such amazing children and I feel Him tapping on my shoulder and whispering “love them by letting them age there is so much more love you will find within their growth, let them grow, and let them go.”
One day little Jake’s feet will rest upon that wooden porch with the shoes of a man and he will hold his little one upon his lap and so life will continue no matter how hard we try to stop the moment. So I will appreciate each moment I have and continue on this beautiful journey cheeks soaked by the tears but heart open to the future.
I’m the same way Lori, it makes me sad when little things happen to make me realize my kids are losing some of that innocence. Isaac didn’t want a character backpack this year because it would be ’embarassing’ he told me. I realize it is good that he knows this but still, it hurt just a little. Rebecca is so sweet and loves everyone and everything but as she goes even to preschool she is learning that not everyone is as happy as she is and wonders why. I hate that they have to learn these lessons, but we did and they will too, I am trying to figure out how to parent them as they get a little older and have these feelings and situations.
Great, but sad, blog today.
Oh do I know this feeling Lori. Mine are 18 and 19 now. It hurts you know? But I MUST let them go. And the hurts they sustain can no longer be cared for with a band aid and Mommy’s kiss.
Very touching. I feel that way, too. I usually have sad feelings at the end of school, as they are moving to the next grade. It is hard to say I have a fifth grader and a second grader. I am ok with most birthdays because the boys’ excitement keeps me from thinking too deeply about it. Good blog-
It’s so bittersweet to watch them grow, isn’t it? 🙂
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Children are exactly as God said they were. A Blessing! My daughter has just figured out how to twirl and watch her reflection in our fireplace doors. I swelled up with tears and wanted nothing more than to freeze frame her at that moment and scream, “Oh, please don’t ever get bigger!” Thanks for visiting my blog and for the DM.
Awesome post. I was just thinking the other day…I will only get to hold my kids on my lap for so long…ahhhh….so sweet. They grow so fast.