His feet have yet to reach the wooden porch, his hands reaching up to hold on to the arms of the chair; it’s all just a bit bigger than Jake is that big wooden rocking chair. Yet one day he will sit in this rocking chair comfortably for he will be grown.
As a mom I dread the day when my children are grown. It’s the honest truth. I witness many moms wishing away the years but not I. I want to keep their feet from ever touching the wooden porch. I want to put a rock upon their heads and stop the growth, to freeze time like a photograph and keep them little full of wonder, goodness and kindness. I don’t want them to find the madness and unkind ways our world has to offer. I want them to keep their innocence and pure and simple love they feel now for all people. Alas, they grow and toes soon barely scrap the porch and like my eleven year old son, they soon rest firmly upon the ground and sit comfortably in the rocking chair and take in the world from a different perspective. “We are suppose to grow up mom.” My children so often say to me when I comment that I don’t want to hear about how old they will be on their next birthday.
My goals in life I believe are a bit different, I wanted a family, a husband and children from the time I was three years old and nothing more. Through high school and college I wanted a family with children not a career, not money, not material possessions but a family and children. My dream has come true and yet it cannot be captured, kept and stilled, they grow and change as do I but the growth comes with growing pains. It hurts my heart each time they let go of my hand for something else. I want them to grow and become the wonderful people they are in this world but a little part of me dies with the growth. So I need to find acceptance and a continuation of the dream not just to have children but growing children. The dream must change so instead of being saddened I will rejoice in their lives and not stunt their growth. I have been unbelievably blessed by God to have such amazing children and I feel Him tapping on my shoulder and whispering “love them by letting them age there is so much more love you will find within their growth, let them grow, and let them go.”
One day little Jake’s feet will rest upon that wooden porch with the shoes of a man and he will hold his little one upon his lap and so life will continue no matter how hard we try to stop the moment. So I will appreciate each moment I have and continue on this beautiful journey cheeks soaked by the tears but heart open to the future.