Recently, I had my feelings hurt, everyone does from time to time. At first I thought to myself, why would that person hurt me like this? (It was nothing major, don’t worry). I couldn’t stop thinking about how they hurt me. Then I started thinking maybe it was my ego that was harmed or offended. Then I reflected more deeply and asked myself, what was my expectation of that person? Why did I think the situation would be different? What did I expect? Upon further reflection I realized my expectations were not realistic. I wanted this person to give me more than they could at that moment in time. I had to let that unrealistic expectation die. I had to accept the fact that what I want is not what someone is going to always give. I decided the person is a good person but what I expected of them really had nothing to do with them, it was a need within me for approval.
After several days of contemplation I understood what my Spiritual Director had told me, “When you feel hurt by another person, it’s not that other person that usually hurts you, it’s how you interpret their words or actions. It’s a place in you that has been triggered, a part of you that needs something. You have to figure out what part of you it is, acknowledge it and love it. It’s our internal reaction that causes the hurt. Most of the time the other person has no idea or intention to hurt us at all. We need to separate the hurt from the person and look within to see what is happening.”
I had to let my expectations of the other go and explore why I needed that approval. I realized it was the part of me that didn’t feel like I was enough. I held that part and told myself I am enough for me. God is within me and loves me. I am enough for me. I don’t have to have approval from everyone.
Next time you feel hurt consider reflecting on where the pain is coming from because it is most likely from within. That is a place many of us don’t want to explore. It is the only place that will eventually bring us understanding and peace of mind.