I have always wanted to be a published author. Since the 6th grade when I won a Young Author’s Contest. I always wanted to give people a different perspective, not to change their perspective permanently but just to give them a different way to view the world for a moment. When I truly discovered my calling from God to move people closer to God I was convinced I needed to do this through a book. Then I was rejected numerous times for different book proposals about God. A friend asked me the other day “Why do you want to be a published author. You are a writer, you have been writing daily for years and people read it.” I began to really reflect on this question for a few days. I think that writing a book reaches so many people and can plant the seeds of a relationship with God. But my friend said something else that truly made me think, “Teaching has a power that is underestimated. We have more power to influence others than most careers.” If she is right, and I think she is, I have the platform to intimately bring more people into a closer relationship with God. Shouldn’t that be enough?
Is it vanity? I want to be known and patted on the back for attempting to pursue my purpose in this life? I know I don’t want to be rich, I really don’t want fame. I really just want to be a published author. I see others get book deals and publish their 3rd or 4th book and think why are my ideas not as good as her ideas? What is it about me that is so easily rejected? But maybe that is not my lot in life. Maybe teaching, writing,speaking and learning more about my faith is where I am suppose to be right now. Maybe I should just leave the rest to God and let go of that dream. When we let go of what we grasp so tightly our hands are open to receive what God wants to give us. I am just not sure I am ready to let go just yet.
Do you have any dreams that you are not sure are for vanity or for God? Do you think it is time to turn it all over to God? How and when do you make that decision?