{"id":347,"date":"2009-08-03T07:05:13","date_gmt":"2009-08-03T11:05:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/?p=347"},"modified":"2009-12-30T09:22:02","modified_gmt":"2009-12-30T14:22:02","slug":"i-am-growing-up-mom-august-3-daily-reflection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/i-am-growing-up-mom-august-3-daily-reflection\/","title":{"rendered":"“I am growing up Mom”, August 3 Daily Reflection"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Ethan

Ethan 9 months & Me<\/p><\/div>\n

Last night as I was telling my 10 year old, my first born, good night I realized I would no longer be privy to every thought he may have anymore.\u00a0 I was asking something somewhat trivial and he said “That’s private; I don’t want to tell you”.\u00a0It felt like a knife through my heart.\u00a0 Here sat this beautiful boy that I carried for 9 months and got up with in the middle of the night numerous times for the first 2 years of his life.\u00a0 The child I prayed that God would give me, that I would literally lay down my life for without thought, I would for each of my children. I love that boy beyond what love is, as a parent you know that love.\u00a0 Here he sits telling me that he is his own person separate from me and I don’t get to know every aspect of his being anymore.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because he said “I am growing up mom”.\u00a0 There was nothing I could do my heart was literally caving in and tears rolled down my cheeks, it was that sick feeling I had when I was homesick as a child for my mom.\u00a0 I told him I didn’t want him to grow up. That was not in the plan!\u00a0 He said “You can’t stop it, that’s what is supposed to happen”.\u00a0 But he did let me hug him for awhile and I asked “Does that mean no more hugs?” He responded “No, you will still always get to hug me”.<\/p>\n

All my life I have wanted to be a mom and I could always picture myself staying at home raising children.\u00a0 However, my vision never included the children getting older than about 9 years old.\u00a0 Probably because all the children I babysat for were under the age of 9.\u00a0 I never pictured a time when my children would not share every single thought with me, but I have to respect his privacy, his autonomy.\u00a0 He wants to be his own person separate from me and that is completely normal and healthy.\u00a0 I am his mom not his bestest friend in the world.\u00a0\u00a0As I sit here and write this I am still pained by it.\u00a0 I tell you what, when they all leave and “empty nest” occurs I think I will throw myself from the nest!\u00a0 So how do I accept my children growing up?<\/p>\n

Nothing can make the fact that my children are aging better.\u00a0 I guess it is one of those things in life I just have to accept.\u00a0 I am not big on change.\u00a0 I need to embrace each age that my children reach and not be wishing for the past or holding them in the past.\u00a0 It is about acceptance, true acceptance of this precious gift of life on loan to me as a mom from God.\u00a0 I must let my children grow and become their own person it’s what I want in theory. But the actual letting go is crushing to say the least.\u00a0 He is only 10, I still have plenty to teach him and many years with him but last night I just got a glimpse of the future and I guess I was not prepared for it.\u00a0 Who is prepared to watch their children really grow up? I know that God will give me the strength to be a good mom because no matter what his age I will always be his mom.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Can I Carry You ?<\/h2>\n
\u00a9\u00a0 Brad Anderson<\/div>\n
I guess that I can hold you
\none more time before you grow.
\nAnd tell you that I love you
\nso that you will always know.
\nPlease let me tie your shoe again.
\nOne day you’ll tie your own.
\nAnd when you think back to this time
\nI hope it’s love I’ve shown.
\nCan I help you put your coat on?
\nCan I please cut up your meat?
\nCan I pull you in the wagon?
\nCan I pick you out a treat?
\nOne day you might just care for me,
\nso let me care for you.
\nI want to be a part
\nof every little thing you do.
\nTonight could I please wash your hair?
\nCan I put toys in the bath?
\nCan I help you count your small ten toes
\nbefore I teach you math?
\nBefore you join a baseball team
\ncan I pitch you one more ball?
\nAnd one more time can I stand near
\nto make sure you don’t fall?
\nLet’s take another space-ship ride
\nUp to the Planet Zoor.
\nBefore our Cardboard Rocket
\ndoesn’t fit us anymore.
\nPlease let me help you up the hill.
\nwhile you’re still too small to climb.
\nAnd let me read you stories
\nwhile you’re young and have the time.
\nI know the day will come
\nwhen you will do these things alone.
\nWill you recall the shoulder rides
\nand all the balls we’ve thrown?
\nI want you to grow stronger
\nthan your Dad could ever be.
\nAnd when you find success
\nthere will be no soul more proud than me.
\nSo will you let me carry you?
\nOne day you’ll walk alone.
\nI cannot bear to miss one day
\nfrom now until you’ve grown.
\nCan I Carry You ? – \u00a9 Brad Anderson<\/a> – Growing Up Poems<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last night as I was telling my 10 year old, my first born, good night I realized I would no longer be privy to every thought he may have anymore.\u00a0 I was asking something somewhat trivial and he said “That’s private; I don’t want to tell you”.\u00a0It felt like a knife through my heart.\u00a0 Here sat this beautiful boy that I carried for 9 months and got up with in the middle of the night numerous times for the first 2 years of his life.\u00a0 The child I prayed that God would give me, that I would literally lay down <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":362,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[103,24,104,102,35],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/347"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=347"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/347\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/362"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=347"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=347"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithfilledmom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=347"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}